Air Traffic Control

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at
10 o'clock, 6 miles."
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital
watches!"

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747:
"United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock , three
miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say
this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."


While taxiing at
London 's Gatwick Airport , the
crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made
a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew,
screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?
I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!
You turned right on Delta! Stop right
there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the
difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she
was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up!
It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't
move till I tell you to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions
in about half an hour and I want you to
go exactly where I tell
you, when I tell you, and how tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the
verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in
her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running
high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his
microphone, asking, "Wasn't I married to you once?"

All the best